It’s easy to say but hard to do. If you want to heal from the damage of ritual abuse, it is a long, difficult process but it’s worth it. Those who have gone through it and did the deep work have come out on the other side and have said that they are more free, more sane, more happy, less scared, and more whole. So what are those steps?
#1 Recall the Memories
You may be having flashbacks or dreams but you know something isn’t right. You may have scattered thoughts, feelings of paranoia, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and problems concentrating. You may feel that you are going crazy, but you are not. You need to explore your memories. Drudge them all up. Talk about them and journal your thoughts. Once you start, one memory will lead to another memory. This is painful so work through this with a friend, advocate or counselor who can help you. Take breaks but don’t stop until you’ve uncovered every single memory. It’s important to keep a journal of your memories and details of your abuse. Write down the age when it happened, where, when, why, how and who. You’ll need this if you ever decide to sue your perpetrator of file charges. The police (hah! what a joke) will need this information but better yet a lawyer will need these details. Start with your earliest memory and work your way up to the most recent. Separate each instance of abuse with paragraphs and headings. This keeps everything organized. Years from now when the statutes of limitations are lifted you’ll be able to refresh your memory for a case when you decide you are healed enough to fight back.
A word about evidence. Children don’t collect evidence. You were taken to a room, drugged, raped and tortured and you as a child had no idea what to collect, keep, let alone function under the drug induced phase. However, you have damage in your body. Getting a forensic exam is very invasive but also very telling. Did you know that after years have gone by your vagina and anal orifices can retain injuries that can be reported by a gynecologic or GI doctor? If the abuse was severe enough, doctors can find signs including scarring, general mutilation, and brandings which can be documented. Also if you suffer from bowel issues, doctors can identify what is called floppy colon which results from large-object sodomy. This condition causes painful bowel movements and abdominal distress. Do you have an STD or pelvic floor dysfunction? This is evidence of abuse. Keep a copy of all your mental and medical records. Records from a counselor is also evidence as it shows the amount of stress you have endured and any diagnosis. Did you do drugs to help you cope? This is also evidence. Did you try to commit suicide? This too is evidence that can be used in a court of law.
The next step in healing is deprogramming. Everyone who has been ritually abused has been subjected to mind control and has DID (dissociative identity disorder). Your perpetrators have introduced demons into your fractured parts. Not all parts are demonically oppressed but those that do include suicide parts, assassin parts, sex kitten parts and other deviant behaviors. This isn’t your fault. But you have to get rid of those demons that control those parts. They are not doing you any good, in fact, they will keep you in bondage and damage your soul and spirit. Other parts are more benign and can be dealt with later. To get rid of demons, you have to rebuke them in the name of Jesus and tell them to get out. There is no other way around this. The devil put these demons on you and only Jesus (the real Jesus of the bible) can get them out. That is a universal truth. No shaman, crystal, new age chanting, spell, incense, or formula will work. I know you may hate to hear this, but it is true. Those options only mask the problem.
Once you’ve dealt with the demonic, then you can begin integrating your parts. You were born as a whole person and you must return to being a whole person once again to be healed. That means you must be willing to separate from parts that you may like. You are not killing them off, you are simply absorbing them into your soul and spirit where they will work in harmony together. If a counselor tells you that integration isn’t necessary, run far away. Integration is a process and it will happen over time. As you heal, each part will assume their proper place in your psyche. The parts were created to protect you but their role and purpose is now complete.
Another reason to integrate is so that you are no longer under control of your perpetrator. They won’t be able to use codes or words to get you to do something. They won’t be able to shut you down while they take off with your children. They won’t be able to take advantage of you. The voices in your head will be silenced. You can deprogram yourself, however, having a therapist help you is easier.
#3 Fix Your Self Esteem
You’ve been beaten down by narcissists and told all kinds of lies. Enough is enough. You are worthy and valuable. You are NOT an expendable. You are beautiful and smart. Again your faith in God will get you through this part. First of all, you can have no contact with your perpetrators even if it’s family members. You must cut off all contact. This is a must for your survival. They did you no favors and you can form new, healthy relationships. Next you need to absorb yourself with positive self talk or reciting words of Scripture that lift you up. Pray. Read books and articles about affirmations. Read the bible verses that reference your value in Christ. The bible is full of uplifting affirmations. Jesus always spoke positively about the women in his life. God put righteous women in positions of power such as Esther and Debra and it was the women who discovered that Jesus rose from the dead. What an honor! In God’s sight, women are equally as important as men. Don’t let the devil or his minions tell you otherwise. When you have the urge to put yourself down, stop. Tell yourself that God has good plans for your life. And what satan meant for your harm, God can turn it to good. What you went through is not in vain. You can help other survivors with your story.