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So, I grew up on the church. I loved it. It was my safe place. It was where I felt God’s love. There are parts of it I still love. However…
As a ritual abuse survivor, it is NOT A SAFE PLACE! In all five of the wards I’ve been in as a super active member from childhood to adulthood—(not including byu wards, Obvs) there have been ritual abusers. These men are wolves in sheep’s clothing. And wearing a sheep’s clothes as a man is SO EASY to do in the church! They know the script to follow and the type of family to have. Also, I’ve seen how these men bring each other up in the ranks. My stake president in Utah was the head of the ring. He appointed dirty bishops. Those dirty bishops appointed dirty men to lead everything at the ward level. It’s SO easy for them to do those hand signals that call us back. Normal people don’t notice, but our little kid parts inside do.
Please know that going to the Mormon church is ONE way to live the gospel, and it’s not a safe one for us. Jesus is bigger than all the churches in the world. I just want all of us to be as safe as possible. We deserve it!!! -
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As a victim of SRA in the LDS community, there is a HIGH likelihood that the ones involved in ANY ward will know who they can access. That information will follow you to every ward because of the way they communicate with each other. Your handlers will be in contact with your local leadership so you can be monitored and accessed as they desire. It is truly not a safe place for any victim – and unfortunately there are not many victims who really even know they’re victims or know how to get out of it.
Unfortunately, the idea that there are only a “few bad apples” in the church is not true. I can speak first hand as a victim of top leadership of the church. I’m referring to the presidency and the twelve…which means the top 15 apostles. I can also say that it filters down in very direct lines and ways. It’s not just local level people, it’s systemic. And they communicate with each other.
There are also re-conditioning methods that are used to keep victims terrorized and programmed. Blood cult ceremonies and rituals around the sacrament, baptism, confirmations, weddings, ordinations and family activities are used, as are songs, books, lessons, phrases and memorized commitments (such as the Young Woman’s Theme).
It is well designed and well executed.
The question to stay or go is not an easy one for those who have heavy conditioning around leaving – which would also be a program.
There are ways to deprogram your conditioning and free yourself, and often this requires leaving people and places and beliefs that you held dear at one time (or still do). It’s a full systemic release and recalibration. And it really can’t be done overnight…but it can be done. I did it. And it’s liberating.
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